Day 157- Transition - Feelings just below the surface

It is over 5 months now without work.  The Last severance check came today.  From this time on, our monthly expenses will be exceeding our monthly income unless we can make some big cuts.
This ending has caused quite a bit of anxiety, dread, and even fear to surface.  There has been fear and anxiety all through this experience, but the last couple weeks has seemed worse.  Somewhere in the back of my mind I had assumed that I would be hired by now.  That we would be set back some, but that we would be able to get up and get going fairly rapidly.  
As I have prepared myself for this interruption in my career, I have thought about the long term, about being unemployed for a long time.  And I have meet many people that have been out of work for well over a year as reminders not to forget this reality of our present times.   And with all of that, somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I had held onto an anticipation that I would be hired by now.  That I would find that perfect job and begin again: a new company, a new position, a wealth of learning, a temporary side journey, a nuisance of sorts: but not an overwhelming obstacle.
It has been the clinging to this thought, that has caused my turmoil over the last few weeks.  The fear of losing this and entering an unknown territory.
Fear is a constricting emotion.  On the savannah, when the lions were hunting, this fear caused our attention to narrow.  We stopped being able to see the berries or grub worms that would make a great meal, and instead we would intently listen for any noise  and scan for any movement of a large cat.  This emotion would keep us alive.
Today the emotion is not always so useful.  My narrowing has meant frantic motion to find a job.  The narrowing has meant that I have forgone exercising and working on the remodel.  The house hasn’t been as well maintained.  Last week with my wife out of town, I didn’t take the time to prepare a weekly meal plan.  I’m sure this probably cost us extra in groceries.
Last week I went to the ProLango training sessions, (see  day 153).  These are good classes, and they are feeder classes for the paid set of course that accompany them.   One of the claims of the class is, “You need to get going.  There are several large companies, especially a huge software company in town that is planning to lay off thousands near Christmas.  You have to get hired before you have to compete with these also. “ 
Was it just a sales tactic?  Was it true?  In either case it played on that fear that I was feeling.  It increased the anxiety that I was feeling.  It made me consider whether I should I be signing up for the next classes. 
I think I need to do a few things to counter act this fear that I am feeling.  The first is to release what ever anticipation I was holding about how the future was supose to work.  This journey will take as long as it takes.  What I need to do is to make the next step and every step is the best that I can.  I have to work hard to find a new job, I have to do uncomfortable and unfamiliar things, and I have to learn new ways of being.  But I have been doing this since the start so this isn’t something new. 
I need to take a longer look and see what has been working and what needs to change since the start and use this as the basis for improving what I have been doing.  Not let fear or other emotions control what I am doing.
Months ago, I made some crude estimates about finances and I have used this rough estimate up to now.  It is time that this get a bit more detailed.  I need to get a fairly accurate plan of our finances for the next couple of years.  I’m hoping this doesn’t involve tons of work.  But this plan will help relieve some anxiety of the unknown.
And lastly, I need to look for the ways that keep my attention opened up.  Exercising and meditating are great at this.   I had cut down on exercising because I injured my foot, now it is time to get back to full speed.  Taking small periods of time to meditate would be beneficial in many different ways.   A third area that helps my open my attention is by spending time in nature.  This I can combine with the exercising to gain great benefit.

To often we underestimate how quickly our feelings are going to change because we underestimate our ability to change them. 

                                            
-- David Gilbert, Ph.D

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• Day 120 - Transition - FEAR (other-dribblings.blogspot.com)
• How Do You Influence Yourself? (successful-blog.com)
• Deepak Chopra: Breaking the Cycle of Anxiety (Part 1) (huffingtonpost.com)