Day 124 transition – This officially sucks—mostly.

Well it has been a little over 6 months since this ordeal began, and about 4 months since being laid off.  Time to take stock and look at the macro level to see what has been happening.
Looking for work in the worse job market in decades is not fun.  In fact, it sucks.  It seems that things are getting better, (there seems to me to be more jobs to look at),  but the pace of job growth is dismally slow.  This combined with the number people out looking is making it very tough.  Also, I read an article today that companies are trying harder to make better employment decision in the first place, which translate into longer time to evaluate candidates up to twice as long to make decisions.

Unemployment 1890 to 2008

Unemployment Jan 2007 – Jan 2010

It is not just the unemployed that are looking.  I have friends at Boeing that have decided it is time to leave.  Several are beginning the process of building up their resumes and dipping their feet in the waters of job searching.  Protecting what they have, but giving up the dream of staying with Boeing.  My point is there are many employed people that are looking to change positions or companies and are actively out looking.
So far, I have had 78 job applications or interviews.  Accompanied by 61 rejections.  John Gottman the relationship expert says that in order to have healthy relationships you need to have a 5 to 1 ratio of positive interactions to negative interactions.  Unless somebody radically changes the job hunting process, I will never be able to build a healthy relationship with job hunting. 
My hope lies in the current 17 open job requisitions which have not responded, some date back to May.  Not saying that one of the local airplane manufactures is slow, but I have given up hope  that I will be getting a call these.  I dare them. I double Dare them.  Hell, I Double Dog Dare them to prove me wrong.
So how am I doing on the other things I was trying to accomplish.  I wanted to do more than just job hunt.  I had the following areas that I wanted to focus on:

• Find a Job (Priority 1)
• Be a great stay at home Dad
• Get healthy (lose weight and get in better shape)
• Remodel the house
• Define a non profit that I have been thinking about.

Finding a job.

  This progresses, but I feel like a failure here.  I keep bashing my head against the wall and hoping that it busts through soon.  This is a class the I feel I’m trying hard, but so far I don’t quite understand what the teacher is looking for.  I would say I get a C here.

Being a stay at home Dad.

I think I’m being more good than great.  I have been focusing on other areas and could keep the house cleaner.   It isn’t bad, just still trying to find the right mix of when things need to be cleaned and developing the self discipline to complete the task when it comes up. 
I believe that we are eating healthier and I pretty happy about that.  I use more whole grains and have tried to reduce the amount of corn syrup.  Also, the amount of fruit in our diet has gone up. 

Getting healthy.

Here it is a mixed bag.  I have done lousy in the exercise department over the last month because I injure my foot and have tried to let it heal.  It doesn’t seem to be getting much better.  So I may try building up my walking again.  I could also be lifting weights, but I have been bad about getting over there.  I hope to improve in this area significantly in September.
Image via WikipediaLosing weight I’m doing great, at least for me.  I’m not at the Biggest Loser level that you see on TV, but I’m afraid people’s addiction to quick changes is what holds many people back.  I am much more satisfied to slowly take it off and then work to keep it off.  Since the beginning of the year I lost over 15 lbs.  I still have a ways to go to get to my perfect weight, but I am starting to see and feel the difference.  My blood pressure has been trending down since the beginning of the year and if it keeps going the way that it is, I should be able to stop my medication before long. 
So over all, I give myself a B in this area.  A B that I am pretty happy with.  If I can get back at the exercise, then I will have an A in this area.

 

Remodeling the house.

This is going slowly but we are making progress and September promises to be a month of big changes here.  The master bath is being rebuilt this week and by next Friday we could be able to take showers in there (using a temporary shower curtain instead of a door that will have to be ordered.
In the basement the tear down is proceeding and hopefully by the end of next week will be complete.  We have the cabinets in for both bathrooms and the old bar area.  And we have the tub in to replace it.  We are waiting for the other shower to get operational before tearing into the main bath.
I am meeting with a Sheet Rocker tonight and will find out what he can do.  He has a regular job, so he will only be able to work nights and weekends.  I have seen his work and it is great.    I’m excited to get this going.
We are trying to figure out what we want for electrical, carpet, and other colors downstairs and in the main bath.  So we once again have samples laying around the house. 
In this area, I give us an B- with most of the grade coming in September. 

Defining a non-profit.

Here I have done great.  I have thought about this and decided that I idea that I had was not worth pursuing .  There are many institutions that are out their, adding another one isn’t of great value.  Many later on I will get back to this, but for now this is complete.   This turned out to be a Pass/Fail endeavor and I ended up with a Pass.
I titled this the officially sucks, mostly.  It has it good points.  I am in better health physically and mentally than I was in February when this all started.  I feel that I am closer to my kids, than I would have been if my job would have continued.  I feel that I am having more of an effect in their lives than if I was working over this whole summer.  Could I have done better, you bet you, but the progress I have made is good and I like that I have been given the chance to change my focus.  I feel less stressed, I think that is why the weight is coming off; I’m doing less stress related stuffing of my mouth out of boredom.
The hardest part with this all is in the inability to have enough structure to plan for the future.  Instead, every day is a work day, a day to do something related to looking for work.  Others things are thrown in as best I can.

Overall

My nervousness has gone up in the fourth month.  I can feel the end of my severance pay coming up.  The unemployment checks are a welcomed addition to our finances, but it is not enough to sustain us with one in college and another one headed that way.  We are comfortable, not at our wits end yet.  We are lucky to have all that we do, and I wish we had a little more stability that we could bank on.  I appreciate the chance to improve in others areas than just being a working stiff.
I pray for the many, many people that are worse off than we are. 
Today’s quote, I think as a society we have a lot of this that we must do.  I know I have to work hard at getting my heart in order:

To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.
-- Confucius

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• Day 81- Transition - Never give up (other-dribblings.blogspot.com)

Remodel Update – Forward progress

Finally, getting tile installers lined up, now we have too many.  We signed up for one person to come in on Oct 4 to do the master bath shower and floor area.   And then I received another reference.   He was on vacation to start with, so when we were talking to the other contractors, we couldn’t with him. 
Finally made contact Saturday, received a bid in Sunday.  His price is about 30% higher, but they, (it is actually two partners), can start this week.  Even at 30% higher, it is 1/2 of some of our other bids.
We are still signed up for the other guy on Oct 4th; we may keep this date while I get the main bath prepared to be updated.  Though I’m very concerned that I won’t be able to make that date.  due to the overlap of this tile job, letting it all cure, and ordering and installing the shower door.  However long that all takes, would then be subtracted off the dates between now and Oct 4, since I can’t start in the Main bath until the Master is operational again.
In Order to get a good idea the tile design, we laid it out on the living room floor.  Alex was instrumental in coming up with the tile pattern.  It is great how the remodeling is pulling us closer as a family.  In my opinion, that alone is worth the money invested.
Here is the general idea:

This first picture is a little dark.  The stones represent the floor of shower. 

Day 120 – Transition - FEAR

I try to attend the Lynnwood WorkSource networking group every Monday morning.  The last few have been especially good.  Today’s was presented by Dr. Elisabeth VanderWeil and she title the presentation: Fear: Use it or Be Used Up by It.   Her presentation was good and the conversation it generated in the group was excellent.  Part of the allure of the networking group is in being able to relate and network with people in the same boat and having the same feelings.
I thought I would share the notes that I took here since this is not just good for someone going through unemployment, but also pertains all facets of our daily lives.
People think of fear as a one size fits all.  Fear of spiders and fear of speed can seem like the same things.  But fear comes in all sorts of the shapes, sizes, degrees and types.  Fear is as complicated an emotion as Love is.

Flavors of Fear

Alarm	Dismay	Intimidation
Apprehension	Dread	Panic
Awe	Fright	Reverence
Anxiety	Horror	Timid
Concern	Terror	Veneration
Consternation	Hysteria	Worry
Creeps

Questions that help you define and work with fear:

	Where do you feel your fear?
How high is the Volume (Intensity)?		What is it telling You?
	How will  you (do you choose to) respond?

Range of responses:

FIGHT	FLIGHT	FREEZE
Overcome feared object	Flee feared object	Stop to assess feared object
FAKE	CARE	CONNECT
Change appearance or sound to drive away feared object	Address needs of feared object	Establish relationship with feared  object

Learning to be able to use the full range of responses and to be able to sit with fear a bit is important.
The full experience of fear includes the full range of responses.  to use fear to achieve your goals is the determine how feeling scared can be healthy, a gift, the door to creative solutions, and the ultimate alert system to draw your attention to what is truly important for you right now.
We listened to this song and then commented on the lyrics.

The Power of Fear
We all have fears and we all have power.  An exercise we did was to go around the room and give a place where we have power or gain power.

“Where there is fear, there’s power.  It also works backwards.  Where there’s power there is fear.  We’re afraid to look at power because one of the deepest prohibitions is that against seeing how power operates.”
- Starhawk

• How are you wielding your power?
• What is the source of the power influencing you right now?
• How much fear comes up when you “touch” that power?
• What level of risk are you willing to accept to achieve your goal?

To be afraid of something is proof positive that it hasn’t happened.
- Galvin deBecker

Know you power.  Know what brings you joy.  This is your life, the life that you are continuously creating.  Don’t compare yourself to others.  Comparison=Misery.

An exercise for working with fear:

Create the image of a fearful situation in your mind.  Be detailed.  You brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is made up.   The fears that would arise in the real situation should arise in the simulation.  And then you can practice on your responses.

• Write down the image in detail
• Note how and where you are feeling fear.
• What experiences from the past might help you in this situation.  Bring them into the simulation.
• What new responses could you try out?

This is not a one time exercise, but rather a exercise you repeated practice so that you new responses come automatically.
Another tool is the center with you breath.

References:
A film that was mentioned as an example of how we create our reality: 

I Heart Huckabees 

Director: David O. Russell Cast: Jason Schwartzman , Isabelle Huppert , Dustin Hoffman , Lily Tomlin

DVD Discs : 2Special Edition / Wide Screen / Subtitled / Pan & Scan

• UPC: 24543169611
• Original Release Date: 2004
• Label: 20TH CENTURY FOX
• Sales Rank: 16,746
• Rating:

Books recommended during this talk:
 

The Gift of Fear

by Gavin De Becker , Gavin Becker

 

Feeling Good : The New Mood Therapy

by David Burns , Aaron Beck

 

Spark : The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain

by John Ratey , Eric Hagerman

 

Your Money Or Your Life

by Russell Corben , Brian Smith

Elisabeth VanderWeil’s Blogspot : www.engagingfire.blogspot.com

Putting it all in perspective.

A dear young gal, an angel in this world, is gravely ill.  Waiting to hear about transplants and about other conditions getting worse.  For an such a young angel to experience hell, is just not right.
Not too many seasons ago I was able to go back and visit my Mom before she past away.  She was only partly in this world and it started me thinking about this march of time we call a life and how the days march on no matter what we do.  My Mom at the end of her life is December Girl.
Others are represented by their location in the year.  This angel is represented as youth facing October.  It’s been a couple years since I wrote this, and her time has moved deeply into winter.  There is hope that she will be able reverse the timeline and through the miracle of today’s medicine to recapture much that has rushed by.
This makes my present problems seem so trite in comparison.
Trish we are praying for you.  May God’s will be done.
 

 

December Girl

Coming home to a winter wonderland,
Approaching the fall
    Or does it just seem that way?
    Midsummer is more accurate
    The chatter in my mind errors to later seasons
        Building ladders of evidence in support
Others (closer to the new year than to spring) party in not knowing
    How Old? Two and three quarters—full of joy for the new day
    Full of the unbridled Way
Martyrs in front have shown their Way
    Least resistance or inevitable outcome?
    Such a fool—thinking was on the different Way
Feeling the piercing gazes of those behind
    Break the mold completely
        No, August always follows July.
    Forge another Way,
    Seeds planted earlier bear fruit latter on.
        Wisdom from those ahead,
            Love for those behind,
                 Presence within the now
        Young ones approaching October are hard to bear
            We experience the weariness of the autumn leaves
                Mine earned
                     Theirs incomprehensible
December girl flies all day unencumbered
    But a couple toes remain in the stream of this world
    Gone is the need for sustenance and presence.
     Now has been over taken by the all at once.
Lessons from December girl—season of the big birth.

From Musings of a Deaf Mute©

Day 114 – Transition – Hanging In

It is amazing how busy my days are now that I am not working.   The list of things I need to do is endless, and I find myself  lapsing into catch up mode quite often when I focus in one area for too long.

I am in wait mode for hearing back from a job a UW.   I interviewed and felt the interview went well and it seems like a great job.  Hope to hear back soon and at the same time UW is notorious for taking a long time to make decisions.

In the mean time I have found several other jobs to apply for.  And hoping to get some more interviews from these applications.

The last two weeks of the WorkSource Networking group have been great.  Last week they had Ray Roberts a former Seahawk now motivational speaker and this week was Rita Ashley and Executive Career coach and author.  Ray has a down home style and personality which was inviting and great to listen to.  His message was about the importance of relationships in life and how mentors had influenced his life. 

Rita’s main message was about the importance of networking in looking for a job.  She believes the idea of putting in an application without already having a in with the company ludicrous.   She understands that it is a requirement for unemployment, but she believes it is not the way people get hired.  Her book is self published I believe, which is becoming more and more common.  I would like to write a book at some point, now if I can just narrow down a subject.  Here is a link to her website JobSearch4Execs

After hearing that I didn’t get one of the jobs I interviewed for, Ray’s message was perfectly timed to lift my spirits.  Rita’s message was filled with takeaways that I can use.  I am re-invigorated to write an  elevator speech and to adjust my LinkedIn presence—tightening up my message in both cases.   Here is a YouTube video about elevator speeches for an investment pitch; it needs a little translation for job hunting but the basic idea if the same.

 

I have been experimenting with a couple of programs.  The first is Google reader—I have been using this in the hopes of being able to digest information faster both to give myself news, but also as a way to find article that are worth sharing in a social networking context.  And another program that I loaded yesterday, but that I think has promise is call Gist.  Gist allows you to follow people and companies in one center location.  In one location, you see news articles, tweets, Facebook entries and more.  This allows you to engage more directly with your network.

So now I’m back in the saddle and very busy.  The remodel has kicked into a higher gear as I have moved the TV and computer upstairs, basically eliminating the basements as part of the house.  This has crunched our living into a smaller area—already feeling the closeness in both the negative and positive aspects.   I’m in the middle of gutting the walls and ceiling down to the studs.  Hoping to complete the gutting by the end of the week.

Soccer assistant coaching has also started for my daughter’s team.  First practice was yesterday, the car registered 90 degrees, which is melting weather for Seattle.  Supporting practices takes a bit more time away from other tasks, but it is worth it to be outside and helping the girls learn teamwork and the skills of soccer.   And I think we are going to have a fun team this year. 

Can’t believe it has been 114 days.  Time passes so quickly.

Today’s Quote:

Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.

--Stephen R. Covey

 

Remodel Progress – its all arrived, now what?

I wish I could focus on the remodel and not be distracted by everything else that I need to get done, especially the job searching.  For the most part, we are moving forward at a fairly constant but slow pace.   This week a lot has happened.
Finished up replacing the new exterior wall.  If you remember the water damage went through the exterior wall behind the washer and dryer.

We gutted the laundry room in June and have now completed the repairs to the outside wall except for the final coat of paint. 

Day 103 – Transition Bummed and In Waiting.

Two weeks ago I interviewed for my dream job.  I was really psyched about the possibility of working for a great organization, doing great things in the community and being able to use my talents fully.  I had managed to contain my enthusiasm since the interview and not get too anxious about hearing back. 

Today I heard back; and it was not what I wanted to hear.  I felt a had a great interview.  Self judging is pretty hard to do because you can’t see how you come across and you can’t see the performance of your being judged against.   I was pleased with how I did; I was prepared and calm; and felt my answers represented me well.   

Image via Wikipedia

Not all is lost, I had the presence of mind to ask for advice of what I could do better to come across to employers.  The response was I didn’t explain my roles when I was answering the interview questions enough.  He indicated that they couldn’t always figure out what my role was.  This is a gold nugget that I can carry into the future.   I think I will also call the second interviewer and get her suggestions.

I’m bummed that I didn’t make the cut, but I learned through the experience.  I’m a slow learner, but over the course of this journey I have honed my resume and cover letter writing ability to be able to get called in for interviews.  I am also better able to see the types of jobs that fit my skill base and that I have a good chance of competing for.  Now, I’m honing my interviewing skills to be able to take home the prize.

This is where the Networking group that is sponsored by the Washington WorkSource is helpful.   This is the types of situations that get discussed in the Monday meetings.  I haven’t been able to attend the last few meetings, but I need to get back into the habit of attending.

I also had another interview this week.  I think I did well, but I have the same problems of not being able to see myself and not being able to see my competition.  I hope that I can move forward to the next round.

I think I need to step away from the job hunting for at least the day, and refocus my mind on something else. 

Maybe after I get over being bummed I can bone up on these articles:

• How to Ace a Job Interview (lifescript.com)
• 11 Tips to Nail the Interview and Get The Job (suddenlyfrugal.com)
• Job Interview: Top Five Things to Remember (socyberty.com)
• Job Interviewing tips? (mytotalmoneymakeover.com)
• 10 Important Tips for Effective Resume Writing (brighthub.com)
• Interview Questions - Unshelved Answers (answers.unshelved.com)

 

Quote for today:

Success is peace of mind which is the result of knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable.

--John Wooden, Head Basketball Coach UCLA

Day 99 Transition – Pins and Needles.

It is another day of studying to prepare for an interview.  Wednesday is interview day.  There isn’t near as much material to review as the last interview, though I there is a particular method that I need to go back and bone up on.  I imagine that I will put about 10 hours into this over the next few days.
Looking for work must be part of God’s plan to build patience in people.  The waiting to hear news about job applications entered or interviews results is the hardest part of job hunting.  It starts with not hearing much of anything.  Job application after job application goes in with little or not response.  Some do send a note:

Thank you for your application, but we have decided to go with someone that is infinitely more qualified, better looking, and is just a all around better specimen of a human being. 

These usually come about two or three weeks after you have lost any knowledge about ever putting in the application.  If I’m lucky, a search of my records provides that link, “Oh yes, I see I did apply for that company. “
The next step, sometimes, is the phone interview.   Apparently, these have no social implications of providing response back to the interviewee.  At least I have never received a note saying:

Thank you for your phone conversation.  We have decide to go with a person with much better tonality.   Also in the future we would suggest going with a mobile carrier with a little better sound quality.

The response from the phone interview would be getting a request for a second interview.  I’m not sure the rational length of time one should hold on to hope of getting a positive response from a phone interview.   My longest is two months, so I have decided to give up hope on all phone interviews that don’t get back to me within 3 months.
Getting a second interview from a first interview is new territory for me and  I’m in the wait mode right now.  Based on my questioning in the interview, a response could have been receive (best case scenario) last Friday.  I’m pretty sure this is one of the special  Buddhist levels of hell—the waiting for a interview response hell realm.   
I use all sorts of methods to cope; or should I say my torture devices all exist in my own mind and include methods such as:

•  Putting it out of mind—just refuse to think about it.  This can only work for so long.
• Praying—trying to illicit outside help or influence using my more Christian beliefs.   This is mixed with guilt of asking for such trivial selfish desires.
• Reviewing the interview—reviewing the interview for the millionth time trying to understand what could have discounted something. 
• Timeline review—my interview happened here, let’s say they are interviewing 5 people, they complete here, and I should get called just about, ah, let’s see…, now.  It is amazing how complicated I can make these timelines.
• I should have…—making up actions that I should have done to be more successful. (I should have bought the $2 Thank You cards and not the ones on sale for $1.57)

Well it is pins and needles for a while. Hopefully, I will hear soon.

"The gem cannot be polished without friction, not a man perfected without trials."
                                              -- Chinese Proverb