Working with Emotions Part V

Part IV dealt with derailing the learned responses while they are happening by purposefully doing something different.  If this is done enough times the synapses of your brain are rewired and the new pattern takes it place.

In this part, I want to touch on some other ways to make changes in and around the emotional system.   These include being mindful of the surrounding environment,  how food affects you, and exercise.

Being mindful of environment means looking at what is going on around you and taking steps to change those things that negatively affect you. 

My house faces east, and I love starting the morning in my living room as the sun comes in and warms the house. But a little later in the day, I find I have a hard time seeing my laptop’s screen.  Having the sun in my eyes causes me to squint.  Not wanting to move, I stay longer than it is comfortable.   This is a simple example of environmental condition that I could easily change.  Paying attention to places and circumstances that cause you stress and then avoiding them sounds easy, but you will be amazed at how often these come up.   Watch for these being the trigger or at least a contributing factor to triggering some of your patterns.

Food is another contributor to our emotional states and our emotional states can effect our food intake.  When I’m bored or nervous I tend to munch on things.  Being able to notice this can help me control it.  Also, if I haven’t eaten right I also tend to munch on high glycemic foods, which tends to cause changes in my blood sugars, which in turn tend to bring about nervous feelings and which in turn tends to me keep munching.  I have been trying to level this out by eating more whole grain foods and eating more regular and wholesome diet.   Foods have discernable effects on your moods and emotions, paying attention to the link between foods and your emotions can be helpful.

Exercise is a tremendous way to level out emotions.  This is one of the reasons that I decided early on in this lay off to focus on getting in shape.  Exercise has been shown to be more effective than today’s best anti-depressants in treating depression.  Exercise, when done long enough (30+ minutes) also floods the body with positive hormones that last for extended periods of time.  Exercise is also the best way to effect your moods, raising the positive emotional content of you mood.   The brain uses 25% of the oxygen in your blood.  Exercise increases your brain power in all brain skills by increasing the oxygen in your system.

Pay attention to the inputs you give the brain.  What are the inputs that you give your brain?  Do you exercise your brain in order to keep it in tip top shape.  The very best exercise for the brain is a healthy and strong relationships with friends and family.  Increasing healthy time with family and friends is great brain exercise.  Puzzles, music, and challenging reading are also great for the brain.  

The brain loves new experiences physical and mental; variety and new experiences keep the brain fresh.  Learning the steps of a new dance or how to juggle is great exercise for the brain.  You brains are resilient and constantly growing or if unused they are decaying.   It is use it or lose it when it comes to the body or the brain. 

Acting and the brain

The brain has a hard time distinguishing what is real and what made up.  If you get deeply involved with a movie your body reacts with hormones that makes changes to your body.  The same is so with acting.   People who play the parts of others that have cancer have an increased risk of cancer themselves. 

Acting is a way to make changes to your brain.  If you act in a certain way for long enough, you brain synapses will change in the same way that they will with interrupting patterns.

Here is short video on how this can work with laughing.  Parts of this seem a little hokey, but it works.  By acting the way you want to be you can change your mood over time.   Be mindful of your emotions as you watch this video.  Do they change?  If you watch it a second time do they still change.

Laughing Video:

Any finally, with all of these different methods meditation is a helpful in learning how to quiet the mind enabling the ability to do this type of work in real time.  Starting meditating is as easy as sitting calmly and paying attention to your breath as it enters and leaves your body.  There is many great references and places to get support.  You don’t have to be able to contort your body into the pretzel to meditate, sitting in a comfortable chair will work.  Meditation is not a spiritual activity in itself, and it beneficial no matter what your spiritual leanings are.

That is it for this post.  These are some of the easy additional things that you can look at for making changes to your emotional makeup.  In the next post I will provide a few resources for getting more information.

Working with Emotions Part IV

In part II and III, I explained how to do the observations.  This is the crucial step and often great behavioral changes will be achieved by just doing this step without having to learn how to interrupt a pattern in process.  Allow all the time it takes for the first step.  As long as you are sticking to the observing, you are making progress.

Journaling and meditation are excellent tools for helping with the observations and reflections.   They help calm and slow the mind making it easier to get to the point of real time observation.  This  hardest part with interrupting a pattern is being able to know your self and the pattern well enough that you can see the pattern as it is happening.  Knowing a pattern well enough that you know the trigger is the best, but you can still interrupt a pattern without knowing the trigger, it is just hard to intercept and there will be remaining parts that could still be triggered later.

For this example I will use a very simple pattern.  The pattern is one where I feel criticized.  This causes fear to arise which a feel as a rush of blood  and heat to my arms and trunk.  Next step would be to try to deflect the conversation by focusing on a negative of the other person. If that doesn’t work then raising my voice and trying deflecting again.  This information may have taking many months to observe and understand.

So here the trigger is the criticism.  This may be a certain type of criticism coming from a certain type of individual most likely with some sort of authority or relationship.

The idea behind pattern interruption is that if  a pattern is interrupted anywhere in it’s execution it will not continue or get back on track.  So the best place to interrupt a pattern is at its source the trigger.  The next best place is where ever you can.

To interrupt a pattern, first start by taking a deep breath.  This will create a little space—often this simple step will derail the next emotion from arising.  Then do anything except what your next external action would be.   Consciously, think about what to put in here.  In my example where I’m facing criticism, the best response might be:  “You know you are right, I do that.  I will look into that.  Thank you for bringing that up.” Or just thinking something positive about the other person instead of something negative.   I could try either of these, and see what the outcome is.  If I like it then I could continue using it.

When I do my change, it may or may not interrupt the other person’s  pattern, but should be sufficient to interrupt mine.  The other person may continue on as if you did as you normally would.  You may have to be very attentive not to get retriggered in the same conversation.   

Doing this once is something to celebrate.  Interrupting a process while it is running is an accomplishment.  Be aware thought that once is not sufficient to overcome your brain’s automated processing.  The next time you get triggered the old process will kick in.  If you can, interrupt the process again at the trigger.  Take a deep breath and run your interrupt.  If you miss the trigger, you can do anything to interrupt the process.  You can begin coughing, or make a silly sound and then avoid doing any of the known actions in the pattern.

Each time you interrupt the process, you are changing your brain’s chemistry and remapping the synapses that have wired in this pattern.   Each time you interrupt the process it becomes weaker.  Each time you are able to add a breath after the trigger the more time you have the next time to see and interrupt the pattern.  It will happen quicker than you think; you just have to keep with it.

If the pattern doesn’t dissolve completely, you may find there are additional steps to learn more steps before what you thought was the trigger.  You can then observe the new parts of the pattern and begin interrupting them.

Emotional patterns can be interrupted using the same process.  It is once again important to get a breath after the trigger emotion.  Then add a derail step, like laughing or jumping up and twirling three time in the circle.

Interrupting your brain chatter is just slightly different.  First step is to name your pattern.  There is that the “you are so stupid dialog.”  Generally being able to name the dialog is enough to interrupt the pattern.  Thinking the name is like adding the physical breath, only at your brain speed.   The faster you can interrupt the pattern the weaker it becomes until you can catch your self about to think something and decide you are not going there.  You can use a breath or a positive affirmation to derail.

Moods are entirely different.  Moods are mostly effected and changed by external sources and corresponding emotions.  Over all avoiding situations that negatively effect your mood and finding situations that positively effect your mood will work.  More about this in part V.

Remember that interrupting a pattern is easy.  Getting to the place where you can interrupt a pattern is the hard part.  Once a pattern is interrupted, it loses  any energy it had and it doesn’t do any more damage unless you are immediately triggered and re-enter the pattern. 

It takes many interruptions to change a pattern.  Maintaining you intention and attention long enough for your brain to rewire its synapses is also hard if you don’t maintain your priority and the understanding of the importance of making the change. 

In part V, I will look at other areas that can affection emotions like physical inputs you are receiving.

Day 61 – Transition – Working with Emotions Part III

So in the last blog I talked about observing a recurring patterns. 

Starting with reflected on it after the fact.  Starting with the interaction with one person.  Then trying to move the reflection time closer and closer to the actual occurrence.  Finally, starting to notice it in really time.  And then paying attention to all the steps—trying to find the trigger condition.  Once you get a good handle on this pattern with one person, look at other parts of your life, do you have similar patterns happening with others?

The idea here is not to consciously change anything, but rather to just observe and learn what is going on.  Often what you are observing is transform just by the act of seeing without do anything more.  We will cover some steps to take if not later.

Once you get to seeing the process real time it can appear to be a bit surreal.  You are in the process executing the process and at the same time you are able to look at the process almost from the outside.  You are able to know what steps are coming up.   Oh this is where I do X, here comes Y.  As you are doing this you are learning more of the beginning steps.

We can use virtually the same process in other areas. 

Day 60-Transition-Working with Emotions Part II

Image via Wikipedia

The first step of working with emotions is being able to see what is going on.  This can be difficult, because our brain has the amazing ability to automate that which we do repeatedly.  Like riding a bike, actions we do repeatedly are moved to the control of the subconscious mind.  This is also true for our thoughts.  Thoughts that are reoccurring in my minds, may start to lose steps that are taken over by the subconscious. 

This ability to automate our thinking and movements is crucial to our survival.  Imagine if we had to consciously control our beating heart, our breathing or our temperature.  While necessary for our survival, this automation process can also get in our way.  It can make seeing and understanding certain behaviors in ourselves much harder.  

Counteracting this automated processing is not hard.  The hard part is in the ability to see and understand what is going in real time—as the behaviors or emotions are happening.  There are several steps to get to the point of seeing and this is where the most time is spent.  The good news is: as you get good at observing your behaviors, you may find that many of them change automatically without having to do anything more.  I have experienced this for myself, and I have also experienced other deeper behaviors requiring a more proactive approach.  We will handle these  in a later blog.

Now let’s look at the steps for seeing.

Day 59 – Transition – Working with Emotions Part 1

Image via Wikipedia

I have written a bunch in my blog about the emotions of being laid off.  And I haven’t written much about the process of working with these emotions.  Noticing your emotions is a step in the right direction, and to make this step meaningful we need to be able to work with our emotions as a way to make our lives better.  This subject is relevant whether dealing with a job loss or some other major change that  causes emotional upheaval. 

While these practices can help in times of crisis and big change, the real power of these techniques is what it does for your normal day to day life the 80% of life between the big occurrences.  The power is in improving your ability to know yourself and to relate to others.    Daniel Goleman believes that IQ plays only 20% role in your success while 80% is played by other factors including emotional intelligence.  IQ is a measure of how you work with things and concepts, EQ is how you work with your emotions and the emotions of others, it is the basis for fitting in and getting along with others in this world.

There is an old Chinese saying, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.  The second best time is now.  It is the same with these practices, it is best if you would have started them before a crisis, like 20 years ago.  If you didn’t then starting now will work just fine.  In either case, there is no end to the journey, there is always room for improvement in our ability to work ours and others emotions.

Some perspective

I am so blessed.

Day 53- Transition – Keeping Spirits Up

The whole time I was at Boeing, I had never thought that I was close to a lay off.  I was always rated among the top of what ever group I happened to be in.  I always strived to give 110% and had a hard time ever constraining myself to normal work hours with whatever I was working on or studying.

So to be unemployed at all is a shock to my system and to my ego that had (and still has) a protestant/Mid-West belief in the goodness  and ultimate rewards of hard work.  This is made all the worse by finding myself struggling for employment in which some economist consider the worse economic times since the great depression of the 1930’s. 

Keeping my spirits up during these times is a constant consideration.  Listening about the gulf coast disaster (which must be having negative effects on our economy); hearing about the debt crisis in Europe; and the general lack luster ability of our economy to grab a steady foothold and make forward progress to get out of this economic mess—all acts as an albatross to keeping up a positive spirit.

Keeping a positive outlook is important to me for a number of reasons.   A lot of studies have have shown that being upbeat reduces stress, depression, increase the immune system and has a positive effects on hormones within the body, so much scientific evidence points to better outcomes due to positive mind states.  In spiritual traditions, overcoming the negative emotions and desires are the prime steps along the spiritual path.  Thought processes such as greed and delusion are to be replace with empathy, caring and respect. 

But the biggest reasons for battling the feelings of negativity is that is just isn’t any fun to be in the dumps.  Life is going on right now, it isn’t something that I’m planning to start up again once I find a job.  Life is right now,  I want to enjoy the journey I’m on right now.  Life is too precious to give up this time of between jobs.

I love learning, and I have been learning a lot over the past few months.  I have been learning a lot about myself.  I have been learning a lot about job searching and how this has changed in the last 22 years since I was last in it.  And I have learned that I have a much better perspective on life now than I would have say 10 years ago.  I have a much greater faith in the spiritual side; especially in a belief that I am in the perfect place right now.  That everything has led me to this place and this is the right place to launch the rest of my life. 

This isn’t a side trip; This isn’t a detour.  This is the journey; this is the cruise that I signed up for before my mother knew my face. 

I have been able to notice the emotions that have been coming up and there have been a multitude.  I have been able to do this without getting sucked deeply into the emotions.  When I get sucked into a emotion,  it gives rise to a lot of secondary emotions and especially fears arise.  When I allow myself to go on this downward spiraling  journey, I quickly lose track of the original trigger in a cascade of thoughts and impressions.   This has been one of my biggest successes—being able to able to stay with an emotion without it growing into a run away train. 

Being able to sit with my emotions has been powerful for me.  This has changed considerably from when I first heard of my layoff.  The emotions do not cut as deep as they did then—they aren’t as raw as they were.   I can still see the effects of moods that are waxing and waning over a period of days or weeks.  And I can see the effects of emotions that are firing up all the time, creating a rich and beautiful  tapestry to my day to day experiences.   But my emotions have generally improved and  evened out since this beginning this layoff.  

Of course, I do get sucked into negativity more often than I would like.  But I see it faster and can take steps to counteract it midstream instead of long afterward when its ill effects are washed way downstream.  

I still worry about finding a job, about making through the economics of the day, and about being able to support my kids through college.  And this worry is balanced somewhat by a faith in the future—a  faith that by having the best of intentions and a desire to help others and the world as a whole that things will work out better.  That opportunity will come when the student is ready.

This morning I read a quote of the Dalai Lama that has been resonating with me all day.  A quote that I think is important for us that are looking to what our next steps are and this quote has inspired much of the thinking in this post.

So today’s quote is:

If you develop a pure and sincere motivation, if you are motivated by a wish to help on the basis of kindness, compassion, and respect, then you can carry on any kind of work, in any field, and function more effectively.

--Dalai Lama

Day 52 - Transition - Networking

I’m starting to learn a bit more about networking on Linked In and finding that it is even more powerful than I thought. Using Simply Hired allows you to see both your Linked In and Facebook connections.

The Facebook interface is still a bit clunky and Facebook itself is not set up with the idea of career networking at it’s core.   Though it does show you your links to specific companies.

Over the last several days I have the occasion to capitalized on networking in three different cases, each at different levels on being connected to me.

I have had the case of a direct link, someone in my network who works at the company.  Here I could send the person email directly letting her know of the position that I was applying at, sending her my resume and a copy of the job req.  In this case, she took it on herself to find the HR rep working the requisition.  She also talked to this HR representative about me and my qualifications for the job.

In another case, the connection was a second connection, meaning that someone in my network had this person in their network.  I could then request a introduction (with a Linked In free account you are allowed to have 5 introductions open at one time; to get more you would have to get a paid subscription).

I found the person by doing a search on linked in of all the people that worked at the company I was applying.  You get a list of all the people in your network followed by people not in your network but connected to someone in your network.  The it goes to those once removed from your network and so on.  It also indicates the people that you share linked In group membership. I found a person that was in my line of work and it looked like closely associated with the position I was inquiring about.  I went to his profile, and this showed me who I was connected through.  I could then click on the “Get introduced” link.

When I requested the Introduction, I was given a space to write to my friend and explain what I needed and I was given a space to write to the person I wanted to get introduced to.  I asked if he would be willing to review my resume and provide any advice he had about how to proceed.  He sent me an email requesting a copy of my resume and the job requisition(within a hour of send the request).  This was on a Friday. On Monday first thing, I had suggestions on how to change my resume and the name of the HR representative that was processing the requisition.

The third one, I am still processing.  This case is concerning a job at UW.  Here I did a search on people in my network that worked at UW.  Mostly I was given people that had graduated or were working on some degree or links to professors that people in my network had taken classes from.   So then I did a search on the department and finally on the job title.  I think I did these both inside and outside of Linked In.  This produced results.  I was given the name of a gal that work at UW with the same title as the job I want to apply to.   Looking at her profile in Linked In showed me that she was third level connection, meaning that in between my network and this person was a intermediate person.

I sent off the introduction, and then learned that the intermediate person is also someone I know, but who I haven’t connected with on Linked In.  I sent a request to connect, and then dug up an old email address I had, sent a note explaining my situation and that there should be a introduction request waiting.  Now I just waiting for a reply.

What I have been experiencing as I search for jobs is a lot of nothing.  No idea if your stuff was even looked at, if people felt you were qualified, or if they just received 10,000 resumes and mine was 10,001.

Part of the power of this networking is the excitement.  There is interaction.  I can actually get an email and send an answer.  I can thank people to helping out.   There are steps to look forward to and answers expected, maybe good, maybe bad.

Helping out is big.  People are willing to help out.  In the world of hearing nothing, the universe is cold, dark, and not very friendly.  When I’m networking, I hear the cheerful enthusiasm of people wanting to help out.  People that I have never met that are just good people lending a helping hand.

It is refreshing and counteracts the decreasing mood I talked about in yesterday’s blog.  It helps to maintain my faith in people.

"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open."

                                                                                                  - Jawaharlal Nehru

Day 51 – Transition – CL high

I have been noticing how my emotional moods have been changing based on what is happening in my job search.  Last week, I found two good jobs to apply for.

A little side track is needed here.  There are several types of jobs that I apply for.  The lowest level would be a job to insure that I make the counts for unemployment.  I have had a few of these at Boeing, but I never really needed them because I have always been able to find enough jobs so far. 

There are also  jobs that I’m sure my chances of getting a call back are slim.  Jobs where I am really pushing the limit on my qualifications.  I keep applying for Boeing first level management positions, thinking that someone might want to give me a chance at management.  But it is more realistic to think that they are easily able in this economy to find plenty of people.  But what the hell, it only takes a few seconds and at least when I was in Boeing, I was qualified to go into management, I just never did.

Then there is a class of jobs, or maybe it would be better to say several classes of jobs that I am qualified for and if offered I would probably try hard to get it, but deep down would rather not have.  These take time to apply for  and they warrant this time.  These are bill paying jobs, something that I could be good at, but my heart might not be fully present.  These seem more important as time passes and we see the end of the severance pay getting closer.

And then the last classification is jobs that I really want.  Jobs that make my head spin thinking about them.  These don’t come along often.  The phone interview I did at Children’s was for a job like this.   These have the combination of: being in my field (helping organizations and people improve performance and manage change); it includes plenty of areas where I can grow and learn;  includes coaching and mentoring others; and is with a stellar organization that is performing well by the world.  The Children’s job met all of these criteria. 

I’m finding that these jobs don’t come up often.

Ok, end of the side track.  Last week I found two such positions that I am looking at.  And with this my mood has improved quite a bit.

The interview with Children’s was on May 20th, about three weeks ago.   The following week I was working on another interview for a job that was exciting, but in the end it got canceled before I was interviewed.

I have felt my mood inch down since then. Little by little each day when I would search and I would find some positions, but nothing that was really exciting.  Nothing that would truly nourish my soul.  Just finding jobs that would pay the bills.   

Then Thursday, I found the another exciting position and spent the afternoon applying for it.  The next morning, I found the second one, and I’m still working on the application for this one.

I wondered if I could improve my cover letters, so I did some searching on the internet.  Here is a blog listing called 8 steps to a perfect cover letter with some hints that I found helpful:

http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2005/08/26/8-steps-to-a-perfect-cover-letter/

My mood is better.  Finding these positions has put me in a Cover Letter High, a euphoric state that lasts until all hope of getting called for an interview is extinguished.    I imagine it will last through my completing the applications, and it is easy to keep my spirits up for the week after in anticipation of hearing something back.  The week after that things start to become raggedy.  I feel the mood inching downward and I feel larger swings happen, like if I find nothing while searching my mood will go down more and then it might pop up again because something small happens, but then resume its down trend soon after.

I guess what I need to do is just make sure that I find another really exciting job to apply for before the end of the second week. 

Even better is to fully enjoy the CL high and follow it with a healthy dose of Interview Intoxication.

Today’s quote is the area that I’m  working in today’s blog:

Too often we underestimate how quickly our feelings are going to change because we underestimate our ability to change them.

                                                                                     -- David Gilbert, Ph.D.

Day 48 – Transitions – some demolition

This video shows what out laundry room looks like know that we have pulled out he walls.

The shower enclosure was ordered this last week and will be coming on the 25th.  The next job is to tear apart the upstairs bath room.  We will be down to one toilet and one shower for a while.  Hopefully not too long.
Haven’t been getting a lot of time to work on the remodel.  Job searching, housework and cooking, along with exercising is taking most of the time in the day.  I have to learn to squeeze some more out.

"The basic difference between an ordinary person and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge while an ordinary person takes everything as a blessing or a curse."
                                                                       -- Carlos Castaneda

Day 47 – transition – what nots

Haven’t been writing a lot, been focusing on getting things done.  Feel that I’m in a bit of a grind.  Each day is pretty close the same as the last day.  And I beginning to wonder how much to share.

Monday, I attended the WorkSource networking group.  This continues to surprise me with useful information.  They were focusing on interviewing, which broadened my thinking a bit, since I haven’t done a lot of interviewing.  I went to the library afterward and got several books on interviewing and tough interviewing questions to get prepared.  I have slowly been making my way through the books.

Also got the book “Seven Days to Online Networking”.  Hoping to get some suggestions for improving my skills here.

My new searching technique is working.  I found two good jobs to apply for over the last couple of days.  I was able to connect using networking on both of these jobs.  The first one, I was able to get a introduction from a friend to a person that worked for the company.  The person at the company has contacted me and asked for a copy of my resume and cover letter, which I have sent.  This person has a job title in my field, so I’m excited that some good information will come from this contact.  On the second job application, a friend of mine works for the company, so I sent her the information that I submitted, a copy  of the job req. and asked if she had any suggestions for me.

Before searching with my new method, I had a schedule for where I would search on what days.  Now I have been able to complete my searches across all of my areas everyday, and since the beginning of the week have add some more searches to my list.  See Day 41 for more on this subject.  If you have questions on this please feel free to send me email.

Emotionally, there is a growing underlying tenor of worry.  Worry that I’m not doing what I should be doing.   Worry that I’m not getting enough interviews and call backs.  Worry that my severance and unemployment will run out before I’m able to find something else.  This is under the surface, but I can feel this crop into my  thinking more and more.

Having this break from work has been great, but not a vacation.  I am working far harder and longer hours being unemployed than I did being employed.  It seems to be never ending.  It would be great if I could find that perfect position and then say, “I would like to take some time off, can I start in a month or two?”  I don’t know that I will be in the position to do this, but it is nice to think about.

I have also noticed that my emotions are easily swinging again.  Getting a call back, or an email can affect multiple days, and very quickly rise my spirits.  Not hearing is a slow grind that slowly brings me down, a little more with each passing day.  I think the exercising is helping to level this out some.  Exercising is a mode elixir.

In the exercise area, I’m doing good.  I have been getting some knee pains over the past couple of weeks.  I have been thinking that this is mainly from lifting weights, though I have purchased some new shoes to see it could be in the shoes.  Having convinced myself that I need to back way off on lifting I thought I should confer with a trainer at the Y.  He didn’t agree and thought my schedule was good and that I should stick with it.   Tuesday I walked 8.3 miles, this is the longest I have done.  My knee loosened up in this walk, and has felt significantly better since then.  After lifting weights I have been a “yoga” stretching routine and then stretching again in the hot tub.  I think this has had a marked effect on my knee and should help against any other injuries. 

I should qualify the “yoga” statement.  It was yoga when it was taught to me some 20 years ago.  I have changed it and probably contorted into something that is unrecognizable by anyone that knows yoga.  Though I’m stretching better now than I have in probably 5 years.

Today’s quote:

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive."

-- Harold Whitman

 

It is easy to blame BP, a better question might be “How has my addiction to petro lead to the disaster in the gulf?”

Day 41 Transition – Changing search

Image via CrunchBase

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been making a change in the way I search for positions.  I haven’t liked the aggregator sites like Simply hired and Indeed because they deliver so many jobs that it is impossible to sift through them all. 

Other job boards will go directly to company sites to get their listings.  Aggregator sites also go to the company sites and to the job boards resulting in many duplications.  Making the matter even worse, some of the job boards take many days to publish a job requisition.  When they list it it will show up as new on the aggregator site and this can happen several times. 

I have a list of about 10 companies that I have been going directly to their jobs website to look for jobs.  one advantage of using the aggregator site is that it gives you one place to store possible job requisitions for later application submission.  Over the last couple of weeks I have been paying attention to how accurately and timely the aggregator sites are at publishing job requisitions. 

They seem to lag the actual company website by some amount of time which is dependent on how often they query the company.  It appears that different companies get queried at different times. And it seems that simply hired and Indeed are up to date within a 24 hour period.  I’m ok with being out of synch by only a day.

Day 38 – Transition – Looking back

The first month is down, no job, no real prospects yet.  Looking back what have I accomplished in the last month?

Job Wise

Have made the transition.  This involves all the little things to move from working to being unemployed.  Setting up insurance.  Getting unemployment going.  Getting my personal processes together to do the searching and looking for work. 

In the searching department here are my number and the changes since last time (Day 25 – May 19th)

April 23rd LinkedIn group              25 (+1) 
Boeing Inside Jobs                        31 
Jobs applied for outside:               33 (+3) 
Interviews:                                    6 (+1 )Rejections:                                  43 (+3)

These aren’t too bad considering the other stuff I have been doing, but I would like to increase the number of applications that I am getting out. 

Psychologically getting called for phone interviews in the last couple of weeks was a big boost.  I get a similar feeling when someone responds or makes a comment on this blog.  After a while without comment I wonder if anyone even reads this, or have I taken an inadvertent left turn onto “Choke Me With A Spoon Drive” and lost everyone.  With the blog, much of the reason for the blog is for myself; with the job applications, it is all about getting the other person to respond.  I can only go so long before my mind starts to fill in the blank spaces.  Do I need to remake my resume?  Maybe I should read it one more time just to make sure there are no grammar mistakes.   Maybe I’m being too picky and should apply to more places.  Maybe I should stretch my qualifications a bit more.  Maybe it is the opposite, I should be choosier, get much more directed. And on and on.  Getting the phone interviews has assured me that I am at least in the ball park of the ball park.  Wholesale changes are not needed at this time.

Also this month, I have started a couple of networking activities.  I started working with the ITIL local interest group.  This is a IT process group concerned with international process standards used by many (probably most) of the top corporations.  And I started attending the WorkSource professional networking group.  This second one is more of a place to learn about networking, than actual networking, at least that is my impression after attending once.

So over all in the job search area I feel pretty good.  I haven’t found a job yet, and the prospects are low, but I feel that I am on the right path and it is just a matter of time and finding that right employer.

 

The other areas

Another plus overall was in getting clarity about what I wanted to include my my transition.  This was finalized in my last days on the job.  In my entry on Day 1 – transition I noted the following:

My priorities are:

1. My family and being a stay at home Dad
2. Finding a job
3. Losing weight and getting in shape
4. Remodeling the house
5. Building Community Bridge

My family and being a stay at home Dad

Here I think I am doing well.  My wife has gone to working full time from being a full time stay at home Mom.  She was excellent at this, and did a much better job than I could hope to do, but I am trying to maintain her high standards. 

I have not taken on all of the duties that she performed.  Paying the bills is something that she as an accountant is better able to handle this.  She also did a lot more interfacing with school, and she is still doing this, though it may be at a somewhat lower level.

In the area of keeping the house clean, I think I have done great.  Starting out cleaning too much in many areas, I have been working to lower the amount of effort while still maintaining cleanliness.  This learning process is working well, I expect the amount of effort to continue to decrease over the next couple of months.

The other big effort is in the Menu planning, grocery shopping, and cooking of meals.  My family has not come down with any stomach illness or started any hunger strikes in retaliation for what is coming out of the kitchen.  I have managed to put food on the table and in a timely manner.  I am still learning how to plan the meals so that they coincide well with our family calendar of activities; with everyone going every which way, this is not a trivial matter.   

This is also an area of reducing the level of effort as I learn to do better meal prepping, better use of leftovers, and can coincide grocery shopping with other routine trips.  I have tried to introduce a more healthy diet and I have had some success with this.  One of my future measurements, but one that I have paid little attention to in this initial period is the overall cost.

Big triumph this weekend as I hosted my Son and his girlfriend for a family dinner.  They were home for the weekend from college and had Sunday dinner with us.  Not as good as my wife’s cooking on one of her bad days, but passable.  I was happy, though I still have pretty low standards here (no reported illnesses or refusal to eat the food, no totally destroyed food that I had to dump instead of serve).

I have been thinking about why this area is important to me.  Family has always been of the greatest importance to me.  In some ways I needed a way to still be giving to my family at a high level in a way that accentuated the importance.  I have gone from bread winner to bread butterer; and this is an area that I feel good about my ability to support my family as my traditional way has been pulled out from under me.

Losing weight and getting in shape

One pack. It is faint and at first I thought it might be a trick of lighting.  Over the last couple of weeks a little bit of definition has started to appear.  A slight line is appearing.  It is by no means a six pack, but there is a rib that is starting to appear.  I have a one pack started.

Amazed that after a month, I am seeing some muscular definition in my legs, my arms, my chest, and around the edges of my belly.  Yes the belly is still there and will be for a while, but it is headed in the right direction.

Yesterday, I pulled out the tape measure and recorded body measurements and compared them to what I had recorded as thyme baseline.  This was a fun activity.  My weight has come down about 4 pounds, it is not the biggest loser 15 pounds this week type activity, but this not what I want—wanting instead, steady progression and changing behaviors.  This 4 pounds, indicates I’m on the right track.  This has been done with no dieting, and not paying much attention to the intake side; mainly just the exercise side.  Though through the meal planning, I have been trying to make healthier eating easier.

The results: my arms have increased about 1/2 an inch; chest remained the same; gut (1 inch above navel) has decreased 2 1/2 inches (this I feel the best about); waist has stayed the same; and my thighs have decreased 1/2 inch and 1/4 of inch. I am happy with the change and it confirms what I have been noticing in the mirror.

Using the Air force fitness measure I went from a dismal 27.45 to 67.4.  Still failing, I need to 75 to pass, but a fantastic change.  I’m starting to feels the affects of the training in decreases in joint pain and better lung capacity.  Body composition, loss of gut measurement accounted for 13.5 of the point change, and 14.5 of the point change was from the time in the 1.5 mile run.  I was able to run under a 10 minute mile last week (well it was a run, then walk, run, then walk).

It isn’t much weight loss yet though, I think, impressive gains fitness wise.   It was a low bar to begin with; I have a long way to go; but all indications are I am on the right track.

This area directly supports my self confidence and my ability to perform.  I am happy with my progress in this area.

Remodeling the house

We have been mostly in an expected hold pattern as we arrange for materials that we need to order in and for getting my the previous areas covered as they are higher priority that this.

Last week my daughter and I and one of her friends tore apart the laundry room.  This was a first step, felt good to get something done that I could see the physically change and see that part as completed.  I was excited to be able to use this time to be with my daughter.

I believe I should be able to devote more time to this area as I’m able to lower the time involved in the previous three areas. 

In the next month looking to: complete the majority of the ordering and planning processes; continue the deconstruction of the upstairs master bath and in the basement; and maybe even start on some installing some of the dry wall.

I haven’t made great progress, but I am near where I expected to be, maybe slightly behind in the planning.

Building Community Bridge

I hadn’t planned on doing anything with this until the remodeling was well under control, but an introduction was offered, and I needed to follow up on it.  I met with a person and we talked for a couple of hours.  She is a community builder from Bellingham. 

So, I see this as progress, and it has enabled me to focus a bit in this area.   It has raised a lot of questions that I am slowly dealing with.

I expected nothing in this area, so I’m way ahead and happy with my progress or lack there of. 

Well that is my update.  I’m happy where I’m at.  I happy I have in place measures to pay attention from a more systemic perspective at what is going on.   I have to watch the more subjective areas to make sure that I’m not just fooling my self into thinking that I’m doing good.  It is easy to fall into this pattern of self deception.

The AskOxford word of the day is:

extensometer

• noun an instrument for measuring the deformation of a material under stress.

I wished had an extensometer for measuring my own deformation. 

Emotionally, I am in a much better place than I was four months ago when this all started.  I have noted over the last month how there are emotions that are riding just under the surface that I have noticed contributing to how I approach things.  By paying attention to these I may be able to head off some “over reactions” I believe I am prone to right now.  I feel the need to let decisions set for a little while and then come back to them before acting.  This is a new feeling, but one that has been helpful in the last month and not just in the job search area.

Today’s Quote:

"You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one."

- James A. Froude