This last entry was just to include some references and notes.
General Behavior Changing method:
- Observe, Observe, Observe
- Observe using reflection after the fact. Shortening the time between the behavior and the refection.
- Start to notice as a behavior is happening.
- Find the trigger.
- Add a breath after the trigger
- Derail the behavior with a new step.
- Continue the same derail until the new behavior is learned.
- You will make a lot of mistakes, expect it, it is part of the process. With each mistake and mess up you learn and become more powerful in making the the changes that you are trying to make.
- Be kind and gentle with your self. The is no need to berate yourself in this process.
Note:
Many times the behavior will change just by being observed. Keep observing without trying to make changes until you feel you really know it.
You can general feel the energy of a pattern decreasing as soon as you start recognizing the pattern.
This work takes dedication and perseverance. The time is measured in months and years not days and hours. Once you start though changes happen before you know it.
Keeping a daily journal or a private blog is a great way to reflect on behaviors.
Meditation is an excellent helper in doing this.
Be gentle with your self.
Wikipedia entries
Mental Models
Mood
Emotion - more in depth than needed
Emotional Intelligence
Noble Eight Fold Path
Systems Thinking
Dukkha Part 1 -- Podcast by Andrea Fella – Dharma Talk 59 Minutes long, mp3 format - need to translate a bit from the Buddhist words like Dukkha (suffering), but this is a good talk dealing with the same subject. http://www.audiodharma.org/
Here are some of the books that have influenced me in this area. (Many of these are available at your favorite half price books)
The Fifth Discipline – Peter Senge Overview of systems thinking and the interrelate
d disciplines of:
- Mental Models
- Team Learning
- Shared Vision
- Systems Dynamics
- Personal Mastery
Video book review of 5th Discipline
Daniel Goleman’s Books
Here are a few of the books listed on Daniels Goleman’s website: Daniels web
Social Intelligence: The New Science of Social Relationships – 2006 – Emotional Intelligence was an international phenomenon, appearing on the New York Times bestseller list for over a year and selling more than five million copies worldwide. Now, once again, Daniel Goleman has written a groundbreaking synthesis of the latest findings in biology and brain science, revealing that we are “wired to connect” and the surprisingly deep impact of our relationships on every aspect of our lives.
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ – 1996 – New York Times science writer Goleman argues that our emotions play a much greater role in thought, decision making and individual success than is commonly acknowledged. He defines “emotional intelligence”?a trait not measured by IQ tests?as a set of skills, including control of one’s impulses, self-motivation, empathy and social competence in interpersonal relationships. Although his highly accessible survey of research into cognitive and emotional development may not convince readers that this grab bag of faculties comprise a clearly recognizable, well-defined aptitude, his report is nevertheless an intriguing and practical guide to emotional mastery. In marriage, emotional intelligence means listening well and being able to calm down. In the workplace, it manifests when bosses give subordinates constructive feedback regarding their performance. Goleman also looks at pilot programs in schools from New York City to Oakland, Calif., where kids are taught conflict resolution, impulse control and social skills.
Working with Emotional Intelligence – 1998 – Working With Emotional Intelligence takes the concepts from Daniel Goleman’s bestseller, Emotional Intelligence, into the workplace. Business leaders and outstanding performers are not defined by their IQs or even their job skills, but by their “emotional intelligence”: a set of competencies that distinguishes how people manage feelings, interact, and communicate. Analyses done by dozens of experts in 500 corporations, government agencies, and nonprofit organizations worldwide conclude that emotional intelligence is the barometer of excellence on virtually any job. This book explains what emotional intelligence is and why it counts more than IQ or expertise for excelling on the job. It details 12 personal competencies based on self-mastery (such as accurate self-assessment, self-control, initiative, and optimism) and 13 key relationship skills (such as service orientation, developing others, conflict management, and building bonds). Goleman includes many examples and anecdotes—from Fortune 500 companies to a nonprofit preschool—that show how these competencies lead to or thwart success.
Healing Emotions: Conversations with the Dalai Lama on Mindfulness, Emotions, and Health – 1997 – Can the mind heal the body? The Buddhist tradition says yes—and now many Western scientists are beginning to agree. Healing Emotions is the record of an extraordinary series of encounters between the Dalai Lama and prominent Western psychologists, physicians, and meditation teachers that sheds new light on the mind-body connection. Topics include: compassion as medicine; the nature of consciousness; self-esteem; and the meeting points of mind, body, and spirit.
Western Psychology
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem – Nathaniel Branden
Boundaries of the Soul: The practices of Jung's psychology – June Singer
Buddhist perspective
The Wise Heart: A guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology – Jack KornField
Awakening to the Sacred:Creating a personal Spiritual Life – Lama Surya Das
Awakening the Buddha Within: Tibetan Wisdom for the Western World – Lams Surya Das
The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living – Dalai Lama
Personal Change
The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho
Deep Change: Discovering the Leader Within – Robert E. Quinn
Coaching
Co-Active Coaching: New skills for Coaching people toward Success in Work and Life – L. Whitworth, H. Kimsey-House and P. Sandal
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