The psyche can play funny tricks on a person. I have been going along pretty well the past few weeks. Working at finding a job and working at my other areas; busy enough that it is hard to find time to write this blog, so some days have been skipped.
Everything has been proceeding. I have been worried about not having higher levels of human interaction, being stuck at home most of the time. But I have been constructing my week with time to get out of the house and either work out or network. This has been more preemptive, so far the being by myself hasn’t been bothersome.
Though on the unconscious level things have been percolating a bit, I have been having dreams lately that I think are related to being laid off. The first one is a classic one of being nude in a social or public setting. Being exposed and having no way to cover up. In reflecting on this; I thought about various social settings recently. I have found myself self thinking about what I might say if I was asked about my work situation, this might happen hours before an event occurs. And when the event occurs, I think about who if anyone will bring it up. In some ways creating my own little pet elephant in the room. I’m not sure if others are seeing or feeling the pet elephant in the room or not.
What is weird about this, is the minute I’m asked, I have no bad feelings about talking about it or explaining what is going on. In fact I like that people ask, I would like to be able to tap into any leads that might be developed. So I like to be asked, but still I find myself thinking about it a little. And worrying about bringing it up myself and boring people with my problems.
So, I think my dream is about this, about this bit of exposing myself. Maybe even about writing this blog and sharing this information, which I have found enjoyable, self enlightening and some tell me it has been helpful for them also. Somewhere in the back of my brain is some angst about all this sharing.
The second dream is a little different and harder to understand. We have these Chinese bowls about twice the size of a cereal bowl. I love to use these when preparing to make complicated dish. I might chop green onions or tomatoes and put it into one of these bowls. When working with something with a lot of ingredients, I might have six or seven of these bowls filled with various mixtures.
In my dream, I’m breaking off pieces of the bowl and swallowing it. Chewing it and feeling the difficulty of swallowing this broken glass. So far my explanation is that I’m second guessing the decisions that I have made so far about how to approach this lay off period. How much am I using what I love in the wrong fashion and in the wrong way. I love the bowl when I’m cooking in the kitchen, but eating it just doesn’t make sense.
In the light of day, I like the path that I’m on. I like how my journey is going so far. Some times I wish things could speed up and I could hear back for more applications, but at the same time it is what it is.
I’m not planning to change much right now. To me what is important when working with dreams is to allow them plenty of time to unravel and don’t jump to conclusions quickly. Note which ones have power and which one are just nonsensical. Note any connections between dreams and between the dreams and what is happening while awake.
Both of these dreams happened about 5 or 6 days ago, I have been chewing on the meaning of them for quite a while and it may be that the meaning for me will change in the next week. I tend to hold these things lightly, though I think paying attention is important.
In some ways, fishing reminds me of job hunting. In fishing you can go long stretches without so much as a nibble. Sometimes, out of boredom, I will pull in a perfectly good line so that I can recast. I have had many days that I have not seen hide nor hair of anything that resembled a fish, even so, I have never had a bad day fishing.
Sometimes, you can have 50 feet of line out in a churning current; the line moving left and right in the multitude of eddies between you and your hook. And in all this chaos of motion, somehow your hand and brain can discern a fish nibbling at the bait. In an instance, your attention fixates on the target, the rest of the world if lost to the senses and the mind narrows—focusing on the one important task at hand. This spike is euphoric, it is the rush that fishing is about. Now if that fish strikes and you can get the hook set then all the better; the battle has begun. But the nibble by itself without anything else happening is a good feeling in itself. And it is especially good if it has been a long while since the last nibble.
I felt this feeling today, just a nibble, not a job. But proof that someone is out there and they they actually do read the stuff that I send them. Today, I got a request to discuss my qualifications over the phone. Tomorrow at 8:30 I’ll get my chance at setting the hook and maybe be able to move to the next step.
I have to resist over reaction. In fishing, my over reaction is to yank the line too hard and too fast, missing the set and spooking the fish away.
It has been quite a while since I published my numbers:
April 23rd LinkedIn group 24
Boeing Inside Jobs 31
Jobs applied for outside: 29 (+15)
Interviews: 5 (+1 Ph interview in morning )Rejections: 40 (+9)
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